super · villain.

internal exploration. leads to sirens pumping. pumping blood through veins i didnt know still existed. frail yet powerful minds exist within myself. i jump at every opportunity to destroy myself. how is that i still have the wonder to feel something for something so dead? and have the power to find something that isnt there. and search for something that doesnt exist. or to see something that is only in my mind. i dream up minds, i dream up dreams. i dream up people. i dream up different lives. i dream up my new life. i feel empty inside. i am slowly draining. or as quickly as possible. it hasnt really struck me until now. how hard i tried to keep intact. how much this melody heals me and makes me believe that this isnt as crazy as i thought. that everyone feels crazy  but isnt as  crazy as they think they are. death of dreams. beginning of new. where will this door take me. where will the road lead. or will the so called path will only lead to another path which eventually leads to a dead end. which life is only a path. one we follow trying to find this eventual ending this glorious heaven that we hope brings peace. but the only thing we can really hope for is to find it in life. because its so unsure that there actually is an afterlife. it seems to unreal. hopeful people have it too easy.

the beginning to something. the end to someone. the beginning for a year to end an old. i dream up liquid whips of purple gas and swallow it whole until my stomach crumbles and the bubbles foam. the dreams of someone bigger and the time is not yet ceasing. for it has just begun. the new light has shone a new way and new sect a new trade. star globe. i see something quite bright in this future. this new future this end to the old beginning. i feel the need to hop on track. i want to see this train ride by with me on it. i want to be out of body i want to float over my head and point out the crack im stepping on and point out the turn made wrong. i am who i am. but this is how i will never be. but always be. i will be double. i will be triple. i will always be greater always form better. always fall into place quicker. learn and learn. and never fall.

blue heart. this will never end. im here forever. and the days begin to become small. the thoughts become large. its up late. its sleeping in. its what is. what is? things are coming together while i slowly come undone. its swallowing your ego and relizing the truth is the only thing that matters. this day this short fulfilled day. walking on clouds below the earths surface. its diving into the pool of blood and pulling out what you went in for. the silver bullet. the silver days pass by. the mind stays intact. atleast for the most part.

the dream of what never was thrives.
will it ever be?

its all up to me of course.
your dreams effect you. 
your mind is the beginning to it all. 
your thoughts create your actions. 

they will respect a women with wings. 

fragmented.

silence. 
i hope this life never ends.

i take swigs and my body becomes warm. my throut is burning and my eyes are swelling with water. never knew what mom was crying for. cash rules everything around me. my feet are moving one in front of the other. the cold is refreshing. my mind is busy. i dont mention the area around me i know the way. i could walk blind folded. i want to not know where i am going. i want to be unknown. ghost. understatement. understanding. this time the earth is rotating around me. this is my world it just so happens that you live in it too. penetentary. let me be free. let me feel. im numb. im. i am. running out of time. it used to be thirty and now its one hundred. change. its good. im not afraid. im here and i know.

with this word. this single note. this single thought. i am created. i am unknown and im relishing in jubilation. may every fragmented sentence make sense. may every idea of beauty remain. this exercise in life, this idea. that some how we all can make it. depending on our choices. but what are our choices? the easy route, relax understand and take what it gives you. or take what is given to you and make something greater out of it. i want my past to affect my future, i want the choices i make, to make me better. future, past. future. we can change the future. im going to change my future. i feel stronger than i have ever in my whole life. i feel. i touch. i sense. 


more coffee, more ciggarettes. more illegal. more and more. my excessive lifestyle is catching up. im falling into the hands i promised i never would. this addiction. this. strange. there. the grass in my front lawn grows. my ideas grow. my thoughts connect. its all making sense. every fagmented thought i had seems to be finding its partner. what i do in life affects who i am. what i decide affects the outcome. i am the outcome. i will be that outcome too.